He stands in front of me one moment – handsome, powerful and vigorous – the next moment he shifts into a guilty creature. Instantly! Where is this guilt coming from? When a moment before there was no guilt!
This guilt is a barrier between his adult power and his daily existence.
Why has this barrier appeared?
A little child need a mother’s love. Unconditional love. But sometimes this love has some conditions. For example, some children are born to save a marriage, and then the mother has a subconscious desire for the child not to grow up. Or maybe children are the center of the mother’s life, and then she can’t allow them to mature.
So, the conditions for love may be as follows:
“I love you only when you don’t have power,
only when you don’t have your own intentions, (ideas)
and only when you obey outside authority and external morals.”
On the contrary, adulthood is power.
It is:
- to have your own judgment
- have authority for yourself
- can feel your desires and intentions
- be able to defend your own boundaries
- to connect with your own power.
None of this is allowed for that mother’s child.
So, the mother’s message is “Be a child always”.
All children need a mother’s love, unconditional love. Chasing this love, a child is ready to do anything. Yes, it is paradox: they will do anything to receive a love that always has conditions.
But in some paradox way it is absolutely logical! The problem is, it doesn’t work. It is impossible to receive unconditional love in this way. Actually, the way to receive it from that mother does not exist, but children haven’t had other mothers. So, he is forced to do it time after time. He is forced always into being a child.
What is the key for adulthood in this situation?
It seems extremely simple:
just
- connect with your own power to achieve your own goals
- defend your own boundaries and push away all bother
- feel your desires and intentions, and satisfy your needs
- be the authority for yourself and have your own judgment
This simple way has only one problem, only one!
Following this path means never to receive unconditional love from your mother.
It is very sad. Sometime it seems like an impossibly sad!
Sometimes a person chooses to have hope. That person will never mature, because really the impossible thing is not sadness, but to receive unconditional love by performing some conditions.
For finding your own power you need to come through that. This means to give your unconditional love to yourself, defend yourself from indifferent moral judgement, and comfort yourself in this horrible sadness. It is the only way for finding your power.
The choice between a childish hope and adult power is not easy. The bad news is that adulthood comes with baby steps. The good news is movement speeds up with age.
The key for adult power comes in baby steps.
One more paradox, yes!
